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Domestic Violence
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By MARLA TONCRAY, News Editor
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It can happen to anyone, any age and any race. It knows no boundaries of geography, social status, or education.
It can happen to men just as easily as it happens to women, it can even happen to the family pet.
"It" is domestic violence and it happens in different forms: rape and sexual assault, physical abuse, mental abuse, damage to property, neglect, and financial abuse.
No one is immune and at the root of it all, according to those who work as advocates against domestic violence, is the issue of power and control over another human being.
"If you can sum up domestic violence, it's power and control," said Shari Stafford, director of the Buffalo Trace Women's Crisis Center in Maysville.
To raise awareness of domestic violence, three months of the year are dedicated to the problem: March is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, April is Child Abuse Prevention Month and October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
In the Buffalo Trace Region alone, four people have been murdered since January 2008 in what law enforcement officials have classified as alleged situations of domestic violence.
Jason Thompson and Willa Thompson were murdered at their homes in Fleming County on Jan. 11, 2008, allegedly by Roy Pollard, the estranged ex-husband of Jason Thompson's girlfriend, Bonnie Butler. Willa Thompson was Jason Thompson's aunt.
On Feb. 27, 2008, Denise Blanton and her son Jonathan Gilkison were allegedly murdered by Blanton's ex-boyfriend, Nicholas Wolke at their home in Adams County.
According to court records, both Pollard and Wolke had been ordered to stay away from Butler and Blanton as recently as September and October of 2007.
There have also been recent trials involving molestation cases in the region, putting a spotlight on the issue of sexual assaults against children.
To help educate the public and victims of domestic violence, the staff at the Women's Crisis Center provide literature and educational programs to the public; the center also offers a toll free hotline number for victims in its role as an advocate for victims of abuse.
Melissa Greenwell, outreach coordinator at the crisis center said part of educating the public is not to ask why the victim stays, but to ask why the abuser thinks it's OK to abuse his victim.
"There's a stigma out there about why women stay in the relationship," said Greenwell.
To analyze the question, Stafford and Greenwell, as well as Public Education Specialist Trish Caudill agree the answer always come back to power and control.
Stafford said 22 years ago, it would take seven incidents of domestic abuse before a woman left the home and relationship; today, the number has increased to 17 incidents of abuse.
In addition to a cultural environment of men dominating their wife, children and household, the following are key elements of what attributes to why women, or men, do not leave domestic violence situations.
-- Money, Transportation, Child care, Housing and Medical expenses.
"Transportation is a real issue," said Stafford, explaining if the victim doesn't have a car, she/he is limited to public transportation where available to not only find a job, but get to their place of employment each day.
Without a job, a victim of abuse can't secure housing, as well as other necessities such as child care, food, and clothing, Stafford explained.
Stafford also said victims of domestic violence are often isolated from friends and family by their abuser and money is withheld to maintain control of the situation, making it impossible for the victim to finance their attempt to leave.
To under the domestic violence cycle, the following outlines the Cycle of Violence and its impact on those involved, from the abuser down to children.
Phase I - Growing Tension may include pressure from others such as boss, bill collectors, parents, pressure about money, abuser begins to threaten and belittle victims and assaults self esteem, abuser monitors and controls victim, jealousy escalates, abuser accuses victim of unacceptable behavior such as sleeping with other men, dinner not ready, abuser blames others for his actions and feelings.
Phase 2 - Explosion of Violence may include: actual physical and sexual abuse, increased verbal abuse, threats to kill, sexual abuse sometimes occurs immediately after abuse to force victim to make up with abuser threatens to harm others, children, parents, pets, if the victim leaves, abuser threatens to destroy victim's belongings.
Phase 3 - Honeymoon Phase may include abuser saying, "I'll get counseling", "I'll stop drinking", "I'll go to church", abuser apologizes for assault, promises to change, abuser buys victim gifts, compliments her, looking for forgiveness, victim feels sense of security due to promises of abuser, feelings of closeness are returning.
The premise of the theory is that tension builds and drops in an ongoing cycle, which according to experts continues to escalate raising the danger level of the situation, many times resulting in the death of the victim.
According to the cycle of violence, children who witness domestic violence may: modify their behavior to avoid anger, learn to manipulate either parent to their own benefit, assume parental role, utilize drugs, alcohol, running away as method of escape, get hurt trying to intervene, hide and be frantic, display acting out behavior, become clinging or withdrawn, be unable to believe in or trust either the victim or abuser.
Statistics from the Buffalo Trace Women's Crisis Center show that 18,206 calls were received at the center in 2007; of those calls, 4,085 were administrative calls, the remaining 14,121 involved reports of sexual assault, rape and domestic violence, and referrals for shelter, information requests, court advocacy programs.
Stafford said two decades ago the typical woman reporting domestic violence was white, 28-years-old, middle class and the mother of two children. Today, the typical woman is white, 40-years-old, middle class, and sometimes comes in with her children and grandchildren.
"We are seeing more elderly women, 65 and older and single moms," Stafford said, explaining some nontraditional families, such as those where an elderly parent has moved in with her/his children, have seen an escalation in domestic violence as well.
"These types of incidents don't happen just to low income people," said Greenwell, adding domestic violence and sexual abuse occurs just as often in middle class and upper class families.
"Usually when they call us, we're their last resort," said Stafford.
To obtain information about domestic violence or child and adult advocacy support systems, contact the Buffalo Trace Women's Crisis Center at 800-928-6708. To report domestic violence, call 911 or your local law enforcement agency.
Contact Marla Toncray at marla.toncray@lee.net or 606-564-9091, ext. 275. |
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Reader Comments
Comments are limited to 200 words or less.
Carol McKibben wrote on Mar 17, 2008 6:32 PM: " Maria, you hit the nail on the head with this article. Your references to 22 years ago are exactly what I experienced in my marriage. My husband was the model of what you describe, and it took more than one bout of rape and physical abuse for me to leave. I felt I was lucky to leave at all after the last time. I've captured my experience in a memoir entitled "Riding Through It" that I am trying to share it with other women suffering domestic rape and abuse. Please let me know if you would like a copy.
Warm regards,
Carol McKibben "
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