I spotted the following meme on Twitter Wednesday and absolutely could not resist. The mission? Ruin Thanksgiving Dinner with four words. Please remember, this exercise is all in jest. Now...let the games begin!
I voted for Trump. Who is Jon Snow? I'm a Louisville Fan. Boxers or briefs? Neither.
This meal is horrible. Does this look infected? Meet my boyfriend, Tattooface. Which one is Skynrd?
Hello, I'm Harvey Weinstein. I don't eat meat. You were prettier blonde. Lavar Ball makes sense.
Mom hates your cooking. I may be contagious. Have you gained weight? Alien abductions are real.
Hillary should be convicted. My turkey tastes funny. I really love Nickelback. You’re blocking the TV.
Dad’s sneaking a drink. Is this gluten free? Tofurkey tastes like turkey. The police are here.
Can I borrow money? The In-Laws have arrived. “Walking Dead” is stupid. Is that a cockroach?
I thought he’d died. Boy, my cousin’s cute. Are you pregnant again? Soccer’s not a sport.
That’s an awful smell. Your children aren’t bright. How was the divorce? This meal was overcooked.
Can I leave yet? Her family’s food’s better. Is that a toupee? It needs more salt.
I’d rather watch “Bassmasters.” I miss Grandma’s cooking. The smoke alarm’s beeping. Spam Sliders for Thanksgiving?
PETA’s on the phone. Uncle’s telling dirty jokes. Doggy ate the wishbone. I dropped my dentures.
Hair’s in the soup! We in the will? Let me recite something. Like my new piercing?
I dropped the turkey. Get it yourself, Bonehead! I don't think that’s funny. The Jell-O’s leaning left... Wishbone? Pull my finger. Don’t take my silverware! Hope that wasn’t expensive. Can I have fifths?
I swallowed my retainer! My daughter’s learning tuba. Take a knee, anyone? Halloween has more candy.
Stephen Colbert? Not funny. No more Wet Willies! Russians made this meal. The oven just died.
The turkey didn’t thaw. “Chrisley Knows Best” marathon. The British are coming! The Kids Table again?
Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! This food tastes undercooked. Where are the fireworks? Please welcome my Ex...
Thanksgiving? More like Whinesgiving. I've joined a cult.
“Ancient Aliens” is on! If only Bernie won...
Basting turkey with bourbon? Early Black Friday sales! Auntie’s got a mustache. Let me tell you about...
The turkey’s on fire! Cat vomited on table. Hookers dress like you. Where’s my Nintendo Switch?
Rappin’ Frappin’ Snaggin’ Bumpuses! (Shout out to “A Christmas Story”). Those are not pillows! (Homage to “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”). Luke, I'm your Father (Seriously? fist bump to “Star Wars!”).
The television is broken. There’s no toilet paper. I wanna go home. Thanksgiving’s not ‘til tomorrow?
I haven’t had this much fun since Lou Browning’s Clerihew Challenge! I always love tests of linguistic legerdemain.
I hope you avoided such foolishness at your family get-together. Yet we are only halfway through the Holiday Quadrangle. Halloween and Thanksgiving are now behind us. Christmas and New Year’s loom on the horizon. These four-word phrase bombs can be adapted for any family occasion, from Christmas dinner to the annual Reunion. Use them in good health!